Honesty Hour

     
       Right now I am in Orlando house/cat sitting for a friend of mine from my previous work place. I am sitting on the couch, drinking an iced grande soy latte with two pumps of white chocolate syrup. I just finished watching Spongebob Squarepants in HD and transferring my laundry for the week from the washer to the dryer.


     I am at a very peculiar time in my life. I am a devout Bible-believing Christian. I am 21 years old. I am single. I have a million hopes and dreams. I am out of college. I am a medical professional. I am not working or acquiring an income. I am making new friends, grieving the loss of old ones, and trying to enjoy my current ones. I am moving out of the country in less than one month.


I am in limbo.

     As for now, it's just me and my studies for state boards, and, honestly, I'm not adjusting well. I've made residence in five different houses in the last two months. I've been traveling from city to city. I feel like I'm in a whirlwind. I have so many things that I could do in life. There are so many options and avenues and choices and people and decisions and factors and plans. Things running through my mind..to study for my state boards, to apply to a residency program in Tennessee, to go grad school, to move home and take care of my family, to continue serving in Guatemala, to buckle down and have a family, to let a man love me without finding an excuse for running away, to stay single, to do mission work....  My only job for the next three weeks is to study for the NCLEX (state boards for nursing licensure), but I find my self severely lacking in motivation.


     I am in need of prayer in this area.


The LORD is a strong tower. A refuge in whom I will take comfort.
Psalm 51
¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me. ¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
   or take your Holy Spirit from me. ¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.


Surrender.
–verb (used without object)

to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.

My prayer is this:

God, I surrender.

I surrender my hopes.

My plans.

My body.

My time.

My health.

My dreams.

My affections.

My desire for marriage.

My insecurities.

My thoughts.

My doubts.

My career.

My family.

My future.

My fears.

My everything.

Please, take it all.

It's only through Jesus' name I am able to pray.

Amen.