My mom....

This is a compilation of quotes from my mother after just ONE day together.


IN MY ROOM AFTER I BROKE THE CEILING FAN:
[I made a super loud noise and one of the fan blades was on the ground]
Instead of being mad, she ran to my room, saw the blade, grabbed it, yelled:
"NEW SPANKING STICK"
Hit me with it, set it back down again, and left...


WALKING IN TARGET:
Mom: Hey, Cody. What do hipsters call houses again?
Me: Ma, I don't know what in the world you are talking about... I don't think hipsters have another name for houses.
Mom: .....OH! Cribs! That's it!
Me: Mom, hipsters definitely don't call houses "cribs"... Do you even know what a hipster is????


IN THE CAR:
Me: Mom, where is your doctor from?
Mom: Oh, he's a Muslim...
Me: "Muslim" isn't a place... it's a religion.
Mom: Oh..
[A minute long pause and after deep thought on her part]
Mom: Cody, where do Muslims come from?
Me: They come from a lot of places, Ma. Sometimes even the United States.
Mom: Wow...


IN OFFICE MAX:
Mom: Look! That's at least a month's worth of fun..
Me: Where? What are you talking about?
Mom: *Points at a huge pile of bubble wrap*


IN OFFICE MAX AGAIN:
Mom: This stuff is way too expensive. It's ridiculous.
Me: You're telling me, let's get out of here.
Mom: Got it. First let's go to that copy machine, make copies of our behinds (I'm censoring this), and find that box where it asks about what we think about the store! That'll show 'em!


ON THE WAY HOME:
[After failing horribly trying impersonate my Spanish music]
Mom: I think I can pretend to speak Chinese better than I can pretend to speak Spanish...
Me: Alright, lemme hear it.
Mom: Wong, Tong, Dong, Kong, Shong, Bong... 
Me: Ma, you're just saying "ong" and changing the first sound every time... That doesn't sound like Chinese at all....


And folks wonder where I get it from....


Love,


Cody