Thoughts upon return...

I cannot even begin to try to tell you what in the world has been going on since I've moved back to the States. Forgive me that it's been so long. After coming back from Guatemala, it has been a whirlwind of: 

Emotions,

       physical sickness,  uncertainty,

                        huge decisions, Doubt, Disappointment

You name it, I've felt it. 

My heart was truly broken when I returned from Guatemala. 

I was disappointed in myself (not logical, I know) and disillusioned because I had no idea what God was doing.

After doubting my purpose in general, loosing hope, realizing my going to Guatemala in the first place wasn't thoroughly covered in prayer, I found myself feeling lost. My body was so much more frail than I had ever realized. I'm not invincible... simply human. A number of things could have gone differently while I was out of the country, and I wouldn't be typing this right now. 

This whole thing has been a life changing experience.

Mission work is honestly a privilege and nothing less. Upon my return, I repented of seeing it as anything less than that.

I needed to be let down.

                I needed to be refocused. 

                             I needed to be broken.

                               I needed to be lost enough to let myself be led.